Wait, when did I become a housewife?


Photo: Learning from Hollywood

A year and two days ago, I officially became unemployed.

I was mostly happy, partly anxious, and naively hopeful. I was ready to take the gap year that I never took (I went straight from undergrad to grad school). If you asked me then how long I thought I would be unemployed for, I would have said probably a few months. Well, here I am.

A little bit about me

In case you’re new to the blog (welcome!), here are some things about me to provide a bit of context:
-I’m 26
-I have been married for a year and half
-I have a Masters degree in Mental Health Counseling
-Never in my life did I ever plan to be a housewife/stay-at-home cat mom

How did I end up here?

Anyway, I was waiting for Vadim to come home yesterday and I suddenly wanted to bake chocolate chip cookies. So I did.

After making them and posting them on my Instagram stories, I suddenly had to take a step back and ask myself,Β how did I end up here? Baking cookies and waiting for my husband to come home.

Well, it’s quite simple actually. Last year, I decided to leave the mental health field and attempt to find an entry-level job in fashion. Turns out it’s not as simple as I thought it would be. I did find an internship opportunity back in October but that didn’t work out. Since then I have been applying for all kinds of jobs that I might qualify for, and getting zero calls for interviews. The prospect of me finding a job is beginning to look real bleak. And I’m beginning to think that staying at home is going to remain a permanent part of my reality. In other words, I am now a housewife.

Somewhere in the middle

By the way, there is nothing wrong with being a housewife. I respect all caretakers, homemakers, and people who make sure their family have a clean home to return to and food to fill up their bellies. And we all know how obsessed I am with the Real Housewives franchise. Obsessed. Andy Cohen, if you ever want to do a Housewives of Brooklyn series, call me!

Seriously though, housewives now are not the same housewives of 1950s past.

Then


Photo: playbuzz.com

Now


Photo: Entertainment Weekly

These are two extremes of course. I would say that I am somewhere in the middle. I’m not sharing recipes with my girlfriends, spending all day in the kitchen, and I certainly don’t see myself as less than my husband.

I am also not flying on private jets to Vegas for birthdays, stirring the pot between my friends, and I definitely don’t have a glam squad.

I share tidbits of my day on Instagram stories constantly wondering if people will judge me for being at home when I should be at work. I spend all day waiting for someone to call me in for a job interview (hasn’t happened yet). I often push back get-togethers with friends because 1) I don’t have endless money to spend on dinner and drinks (sorry friends) and 2) it’s easier than saying I don’t have the money right now (feels so shameful on my end). I question everything I’ve done up until this point at least once a day. I count the mistakes I’ve made, the wrong turns I’ve taken, and question whether I’m doing enough to change my circumstance. None of it is fun and none of it is helpful.

I’m not going to lie, I’m hoping that one day I’ll have a blog post about how I finally got the job I want. But I’m not there yet.

Where I am now

I’m writing for my own blog and wondering if I’m more blogger than writer, or just person trying to figure out their place in the world.

I’m applying for jobs wondering if 1) I’ll ever find meaningful work 2) if I’ll ever make money again and 3) if people actually read cover letters. Dear hiring managers, give me a call. I’m a quick study, a great listener, and I take my work very seriously.

I’m trying to add new skills to my repertoire. I’m working towards being fluent in Italian. I’m planning to brush up on my Mandarin after. And this weekend while Vadim watches the Super Bowl, I plan to watch Youtube tutorials on using Photoshop.

I’m also reading again. I’m currently finding knowledge, comfort, and inspiration in the storytelling of Ta-Nehisi Coates and Trevor Noah (Between the World and Me and Born a Crime should both be required reading in schools).

I’m making sure I stay on top of current events, as much as I can to maintain my sanity anyway. I find listening to Pod Save America has been really helpful these days.

Today I renewed my blog domain for another year. This is such a big deal for me becauseΒ I’ve attempted blogs in the past but have always given up after a few posts.Β I look at my blog stats multiple times a day and am always surprised when I see that the visitor count is not 0, like it used to be back in the early days. I will talk more about my first year in blogging next month (my blog anniversary is March 9th).

Final Thoughts

I don’t think I’ll stop doubting my purpose and my current way of living until I am financially independent. This is my own personal goal.

I’m going to continue to work on the aspects of my life that I can control like applying for jobs, learning new skills, and continuing to write.

If this makes me a housewife then I am happy to be a part of the club.

Maybe this is a cautionary tale. Maybe you can relate. Maybe this is entertainment. Whatever it may be, I do hope that you never give up on working towards what you want.

What is the longest amount of time that you have been without a job and how did you finally find one? And finally, what is something you hope to accomplish this year?

I wish I could send a batch of cookies πŸͺπŸͺπŸͺΒ to all of you who continue to come here and read what I have to say. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

See you in my next post!

Sophie πŸ™‚


Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. This is not an ad. All opinions are my own.

 

Share:
  • I have opposite life story – I’ve been rushing from job to job without a break, filling up the summers since I was in high school. Lately in the back of my mind, I’ve been thinking that it would be nice to take a step back and contemplate directions. What I’m saying is, if you have the means, being a housewife and taking time to find the right opportunity sounds like a wonderful luxury. I would sure like to do it, at least for a while. (But maybe the grass is always greener on the other side… πŸ™‚ )

    My goal is probably to “be a housewife” at work in the sense of taking a little more thought and care to choose long-term projects that I believe in. Not just working on some minor, short-term projects for the sake of getting quick results.

    • Hi Jess, thank you so much for taking the time to comment πŸ™‚

      I like the way you expanded on being a housewife as taking a step back to think and contemplate directions, I feel like weren’t often encouraged to do this because it’s associated with being lazy or rather people might just say, what’s the point, keep building on the momentum you’ve got right now. I think our bodies usually get the message first and then it takes our brains a while to register like wait, why have I been dragging my feet for weeks, why have I been snoozing more often than before, why do I feel a little anxious every time I pull up to work…all of which I’ve personally felt before whenever it took me a while to realize a job wasn’t a good fit.

      I hope you reach your work goal of choosing long-term projects that you’re passionate about-it’s so funny how sometimes the small projects are the ones that can be the most resourcefully and emotionally taxing.

      Thank you again for taking the time to read and respond, I really appreciate it.

      • Thanks for the reply! I’m a new reader to your blog but loving your posts so far and your honesty.

        That’s an interesting point about your body leading your brain! I think you should definitely listen to your body and follow your instincts. On the other hand, sometimes I force my body through tough times (like getting nervous for public speaking) and my brain is happier afterward. It’s hard to find a balance between the two. I haven’t figured it out yet…

        Staying at home sounds tough. I sometimes work from home and it’s definitely hard to stay away from the fridge and the couch. Good luck with your job search! Don’t go stir-crazy! All we can do is keep trying πŸ™‚

        • Thanks for the love, I really appreciate it!

          Public speaking is a totally different animal. I don’t remember where I heard or read about this but apparently as humans we are programmed to get nervous about public speaking because historically being asked to stand up in front of our peers meant that we were in some kind of danger. That made so much sense to me.

          I just gotta take it a day at a time πŸ™‚ Hopefully once the weather gets warmer, it’ll much easier to roll out of bed and into action.

          I briefly read your post on selling your wedding dress and loved how you kept it real about closet space. I went with a really simple dress and ultimately got it hemmed so I could rewear it as a white dress. I couldn’t afford/didn’t need to spend so much money on a dress since my wedding was a relatively small dinner with 35 people. I was really proud that my dress ended up costing me less than $200. Anyway, gotta spend some time perusing your blog posts πŸ™‚

  • Oh I’m so sorry you haven’t had any luck with the job hunt. It’s good you can make the most of your time and you’re finding ways to enjoy that ‘housewife’ time. But I know how frustrating and demoralising the job hunt can be, especially when it feels like you’re getting nowhere! When I wanted to leave one of my jobs I was starting to worry a bit as I couldn’t find another one, and I wanted something lined up before I left as I had uni to pay for. In the end, I got a job offer and I was really happy, but I went through a few interviews to get there!

    Hope that you are having a lovely weekend πŸ™‚ We are having a relaxing one, much needed after a hectic week!

    Away From The Blue Blog

    • Hi Mica,

      Thank you so much for understanding. The job hunt is really quite the process and along the way it’s always so much “easier” to just give up. But I feel like the point is to increase your odds by just keeping it up and applying for jobs even when it feels really rough.

      A lot of people I went to university with had job contracts lined up even before they graduated and even then I always thought no big deal, there’d be something for me out there. I’m learning now that it’s never too early to put yourself out there. Hopefully I find something soon!

      A relaxing weekend sounds wonderful! With the cold weather, every weekend sort of feels the same since we’re indoors most of the time but can’t complain there. Hope you’re having a great start to the week!

  • Saving with Sense

    I wish I had taken a break like you to figure things out! Like Jess, I’ve rushed from school to job to job to job, without any real breaks in between to really figure out what I want in life and a career. I’ve always been scared of being unemployed, which has resulted in me just taking the first job I can get. It’s worked out relatively well so far, but I think I probably could have been happier if I had taken my time and not rushed.

    Sorry to hear that you haven’t heard anything back from your job interviews yet. I think that’s awesome that you tried to get a job in fashion, even though it didn’t work out. At least you tried! And that’s so great that you’re learning new skills! It definitely sounds like you’re making good use of your time!

    It’s kinda funny. In college, I wanted to be the strong, independent career woman and scoffed at women who wanted to be housewives. But now, sometimes I want the opposite. Funny how we change! πŸ˜›

    • Hi Cyn!

      In college and grad school my outlook on jobs were always optimistic. I thought education leads to work and that is just so not true. I never understood my classmates’ panic back then but I totally get it now. I think with the way you’re saving you might be able to build up quite a nice cushion for yourself to take some time off in the future πŸ˜‰

      I think it’s great that the first job you’ve gotten has been working out so far, from your money diaries it sounds pretty cool (minus the 24/7 rotation that you have to do). I think our society is constantly concerned about the next thing/next step so it totally makes sense that we would feel pressure to take the first thing that comes our way. Building up your resume is always a valuable thing, that’s something I’m hoping to do at the moment.

      I’m trying my best to make good use of my time but sometimes it’s a struggle. When there’s no structure to my day and it’s freezing in my apartment, it’s so hard to not just watch friends and stay in bed all day. But at the same time, there’s so much I can control in terms of my day which is really nice too.

      I am with you on scoffing at the idea of housewives. I seriously never imagined I would be in this position especially since I have no reference for that in my own life. All the women in my family have worked up until they couldn’t anymore. I feel guilty about that all the time. I guess I just have to believe that there are reasons why things happen the way they do and maybe it really was time for me take a break from going down a path I didn’t want to go to begin with.

      Sorry for the long winded response but I really appreciate when people comment and I just want the conversation to keep on going haha

      • Saving with Sense

        Hey Sophie! No worries on the long response! I agree, it’s nice to keep the conversation going 😊

        I had a similar outlook while I was in college and grad school. I kinda assumed that since I was following everything I was told to do, I would easily get a job. I started to realize things were so easy when I entered grad school and heard about the steep competition for becoming a professor.

        I did think about taking a break after leaving grad school and even had the savings to do it. But honestly, being unemployed terrified me so much that I just couldn’t do it. I guess it’s always been more of a psychological issue for me than a financial one.

        So kudos to you for having the courage to do it! And I totally understand that it can be difficult to focus. My boyfriend is actually taking some time off to try to start a company and I know he struggles with the lack of structure too.

        I’m sorry to hear that you feel guilty a lot, but I can understand why you do. I do think things happen for a reason and with enough time, hopefully you’ll be able to see why they happened the way they did. In the meantime, keep writing great blog posts! πŸ˜€

        • Hey Cyn!

          It definitely took something for me to take a step back, I’d like to think that is was part courage and part circumstance.

          I think it’s really cool that your boyfriend is trying to start a company-that is something I have always been fascinated by! Can’t wait to hear more about it once it hits the ground running.

          I really appreciate the words of encouragement. I’ve been quite fortunate to have such a positive response to my blog and I just hope I don’t disappoint. It’s so funny how I always hated the process of writing all throughout school yet I was always told my professors that I was good at it. It was always so puzzling to me. I guess I hated figuring out what my point was, I preferred to just write and write and figure out my point after haha –not that efficient but that’s something I’m hoping to improve on. Your writing always flows from one point to the next so naturally πŸ™‚ Can’t wait to read more of your money diaries and nuggets of wisdom πŸ˜€

  • What a wonderfully honest post, Sophie! I know exactly how demoralizing it can feel to be without a job, and also going out with friends and praying they won’t pick an expensive place. While it’s easy to think about the past and past mistakes, I think the best thing to do is to focus what you CAN change now and in the future.

    I’ve been without a job numerous times, and I can say that the easiest way to find a new one was to sign up for temp agencies. I almost always was asked to stay on full-time after a trial period, and you get to bypass the whole interview stuff. However, that was a long time ago, and I’m not sure how temp agencies are now. But it’s worth a shot! Especially, as it’s another channel for a passive job search. There are two I’ve tried in NYC:

    Core (how my friend got her first NYC job in fashion, although she had retail experience)
    Adecco (how I got my first NYC job!)

    You may need to tweak your resume so it’s a little more generalized, but definitely check it out. Even if it’s not the job you want, it can be good to get out of the house and make a little money along the way.

    • Thanks, Luxe! I really appreciate it πŸ™‚ So far honesty seems to be working out for me.

      I agree, I had to revisit my resume yesterday and make some changes. I definitely can’t keep going about it the same way. I mean, I’m not crazy after all πŸ˜›

      Thanks for the recommendations! Sounds like it was worth it for you and your friend. Definitely have to take a look into it.

      Hope you bring back some of that warm LA weather with you πŸ™‚