Photo: Learning from Hollywood
A year and two days ago, I officially became unemployed.
I was mostly happy, partly anxious, and naively hopeful. I was ready to take the gap year that I never took (I went straight from undergrad to grad school). If you asked me then how long I thought I would be unemployed for, I would have said probably a few months. Well, here I am.
A little bit about me
In case you’re new to the blog (welcome!), here are some things about me to provide a bit of context:
-I have been married for a year and half
-I have a Masters degree in Mental Health Counseling
-Never in my life did I ever plan to be a housewife/stay-at-home cat mom
How did I end up here?
Anyway, I was waiting for Vadim to come home yesterday and I suddenly wanted to bake chocolate chip cookies. So I did.
After making them and posting them on my Instagram stories, I suddenly had to take a step back and ask myself, how did I end up here? Baking cookies and waiting for my husband to come home.
Well, it’s quite simple actually. Last year, I decided to leave the mental health field and attempt to find an entry-level job in fashion. Turns out it’s not as simple as I thought it would be. I did find an internship opportunity back in October but that didn’t work out. Since then I have been applying for all kinds of jobs that I might qualify for, and getting zero calls for interviews. The prospect of me finding a job is beginning to look real bleak. And I’m beginning to think that staying at home is going to remain a permanent part of my reality. In other words, I am now a housewife.
Somewhere in the middle
By the way, there is nothing wrong with being a housewife. I respect all caretakers, homemakers, and people who make sure their family have a clean home to return to and food to fill up their bellies. And we all know how obsessed I am with the Real Housewives franchise. Obsessed. Andy Cohen, if you ever want to do a Housewives of Brooklyn series, call me!
Seriously though, housewives now are not the same housewives of 1950s past.
Photo: Entertainment Weekly
These are two extremes of course. I would say that I am somewhere in the middle. I’m not sharing recipes with my girlfriends, spending all day in the kitchen, and I certainly don’t see myself as less than my husband.
I am also not flying on private jets to Vegas for birthdays, stirring the pot between my friends, and I definitely don’t have a glam squad.
I share tidbits of my day on Instagram stories constantly wondering if people will judge me for being at home when I should be at work. I spend all day waiting for someone to call me in for a job interview (hasn’t happened yet). I often push back get-togethers with friends because 1) I don’t have endless money to spend on dinner and drinks (sorry friends) and 2) it’s easier than saying I don’t have the money right now (feels so shameful on my end). I question everything I’ve done up until this point at least once a day. I count the mistakes I’ve made, the wrong turns I’ve taken, and question whether I’m doing enough to change my circumstance. None of it is fun and none of it is helpful.
I’m not going to lie, I’m hoping that one day I’ll have a blog post about how I finally got the job I want. But I’m not there yet.
Where I am now
I’m writing for my own blog and wondering if I’m more blogger than writer, or just person trying to figure out their place in the world.
I’m applying for jobs wondering if 1) I’ll ever find meaningful work 2) if I’ll ever make money again and 3) if people actually read cover letters. Dear hiring managers, give me a call. I’m a quick study, a great listener, and I take my work very seriously.
I’m trying to add new skills to my repertoire. I’m working towards being fluent in Italian. I’m planning to brush up on my Mandarin after. And this weekend while Vadim watches the Super Bowl, I plan to watch Youtube tutorials on using Photoshop.
I’m also reading again. I’m currently finding knowledge, comfort, and inspiration in the storytelling of Ta-Nehisi Coates and Trevor Noah (Between the World and Me and Born a Crime should both be required reading in schools).
I’m making sure I stay on top of current events, as much as I can to maintain my sanity anyway. I find listening to Pod Save America has been really helpful these days.
Today I renewed my blog domain for another year. This is such a big deal for me because I’ve attempted blogs in the past but have always given up after a few posts. I look at my blog stats multiple times a day and am always surprised when I see that the visitor count is not 0, like it used to be back in the early days. I will talk more about my first year in blogging next month (my blog anniversary is March 9th).
I don’t think I’ll stop doubting my purpose and my current way of living until I am financially independent. This is my own personal goal.
I’m going to continue to work on the aspects of my life that I can control like applying for jobs, learning new skills, and continuing to write.
If this makes me a housewife then I am happy to be a part of the club.
Maybe this is a cautionary tale. Maybe you can relate. Maybe this is entertainment. Whatever it may be, I do hope that you never give up on working towards what you want.
What is the longest amount of time that you have been without a job and how did you finally find one? And finally, what is something you hope to accomplish this year?
I wish I could send a batch of cookies 🍪🍪🍪 to all of you who continue to come here and read what I have to say. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
See you in my next post!
Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. This is not an ad. All opinions are my own.