It feels like I haven’t put up a new blog post in ages. It’s been 10 days to be exact. Before moving into my new apartment, I thought I’d give myself the weekend to move and then on Monday (Labor Day), I’ll be writing for the blog again. Sounded easy enough.
But then I started moving and realized I totally underestimated the amount of physical, mental, and emotional labor the whole experience demands. I was exhausted. I didn’t realize that I would need to mentally adjust to my new surroundings. We moved a few minutes away, but still my body was telling me to slow down and take it all in.
I was not comfortable with this forced slow down. We finally moved everything in on Saturday and had to wait till Thursday for wifi to be installed. Epitome of first world problems, I know. I wasn’t completely cutoff from the world wide web, but the access and ease was not the same as having it in my own space.
A first, I felt like I was in a bubble. I didn’t know what was going on in the world. I kept refreshing my feed and holding my phone closer to the door or window, and nothing worked. It felt like time just kept moving and I wasn’t moving with it. Has anyone ever felt this way?
Then, I started questioning myself. What am I doing? Why am I not working on blog posts? Uh, because you have no internet. But you could go to a cafe somewhere… But I had to wait for maintenance people to come paint our jacked up wall, which apparently takes 3 days. And they’re still not done…and never on time. I felt so helpless and uninspired. I realized I was criticizing myself for doing things I simply couldn’t do at the moment.
The criticism quickly turned into more negative self-talk. I’m not good enough, I’m not doing enough, I’ll never be successful, and etc… I expressed these feelings out loud and was really overwhelmed by them. It didn’t feel good at all. Instead of considering the circumstances at play, I judged myself.
I think the hardest part was feeling like I wasn’t being productive. Like I was just wasting precious time doing nothing. But, was I really doing nothing? Was I not taking care of myself and making my new space into a home? These things count too.
The turning point came when I finally forced myself to sweat it out in the gym. I didn’t do anything intense, but the time I spent in the gym really grounded me. It even made me feel better. Anyone who knows me will know I hate the gym. But even I can’t deny that endorphins really do make you happy. *Thanks, Elle Woods.* I felt optimistic and strong.
This experience reminded me that I am not my situation. My character, my abilities, and my future are not determined by temporary roadblocks. My self-worth is also not determined by such things. When I give myself the time to reflect and breathe, I slowly am reminded of why I write blog posts, what inspires me, and why I want to continue this journey.
Perhaps, this break was exactly what I needed. It didn’t feel good, but it did remind me of who I am and who I hope to be.
Clicking the photos below will link you to the product
Yellow top: Lisa Says Gah (old) but this mustard yellow version is perfect for Fall.
Black layering piece: Reformation (old) but similar version:
Jeans: Evidnt via Shopbop
Flats: Repetto via Shopbop
Bag: Rebecca Minkoff (old) but this brown leather version is still available
Necklace: bridesmaid gift, similar version from Kate Spade via Shopbop
When was the last time you slowed down? What did you do and how did it feel? Would love to know!
Thanks for stopping by and I’ll see you in my next post.
Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. This is not an ad. All opinions are my own.